The Right Therapist for You
Discover how to recognise when you’ve found a therapist who truly understands and supports you. This reflection combines my personal experience with practical insight to help you trust your instincts and choose the right fit for your healing journey.
5/3/20254 min read


Finding the right therapist can be a bit like choosing the right pair of shoes. Not the flashiest ones on the shelf or the ones everyone else raves about, but the ones that fit you. And just like shoes, it might take a bit of trying on before you find the perfect fit.
When I started therapy for the first time, I didn’t really know what to expect. I thought the process would be simple. You tell them what’s wrong, they’d nod a lot, maybe scribble something in a notebook, and I’d leave with answers that would magically make my problems vanish. What I didn’t expect was that my first therapist wasn’t “it” for me. I sat across from someone who, on paper, seemed to be a perfect fit. But every time I spoke, it felt like my words were landing in the wrong room. I left sessions feeling lonelier than before, unsure if the fault was mine for not “opening up” enough or theirs for not getting it. He also had a habit of interrupting and injecting his wisdom, so at times it felt like two performers on the stage fighting over a mic. I didn’t realise then that feeling misunderstood was a sign to look elsewhere, not a signal to work harder at pretending I fit into their mould.
It wasn’t until I sat across from someone else, someone who felt like he got me, that I realised what I’d been missing. I remember walking into his office feeling guarded, ready to give the same rehearsed answers I’d been giving everyone else. But this therapist asked questions that made me pause. Not because he was clever, but because these questions felt genuine. He listened to my words and seemed to understand what I meant even when I didn’t have the words. His responses felt natural, almost like a conversation with an old friend who had an uncanny ability to steer me toward the truth without making me feel judged or exposed. The room felt lighter somehow. He didn’t rush to fill silences or hand me solutions or provide a brilliant interpretation. For the first time, I felt like I could actually hear my own thoughts bouncing back in a way that made sense.
That’s when it clicked for me: therapy is more than just finding someone who is trained to help. It’s equally important, if not more, to find someone you feel safe enough to be completely yourself with, messy bits and all.
But how do you know when you’ve found that person?
For me, the first sign was this sense of relief. No, not the kind that comes from solving a problem. It was a sense of freedom and assurance that comes when you realise you don’t have to pretend anymore. I felt lighter, like I didn’t have to work so hard to be understood. Their expertise or credentials did not matter as much as it had when I was looking for a therapist. Eventually, what I remembered was how my therapist made me feel, not which training programs he had attended.
Another clue came when I noticed myself opening up about things I hadn’t planned to talk about, things I didn’t even realise were important until I heard them out loud. It’s not that my therapist pushed me. I still felt like I was on the drivers seat. I just felt okay to go there.
That doesn’t mean every session was comfortable. In fact, some of the best ones left me feeling like I had binged on the KFC chicken wings again. But even in those moments, I didn’t feel alone. I felt like he was right there with me, holding the weight of it so I didn’t have to carry it by myself.
As a psychologist now, I try to remember what it felt like to be on the other side of that chair. I know that trust is earned, not given, and that it’s built in the way someone remembers what you said last week, the way they notice the things you aren’t saying, and even in how they react when you tell them something hard.
If you’re searching for a therapist and wondering whether you’ve found the right one, pay attention to the details that matter to you. Do they see you as more than your problems? Do they seem curious about what’s underneath the surface? And, most importantly, do you feel like this is someone you can be honest with, even about the parts of yourself you wish you could change?
It’s OK if it takes a few tries. It’s OK if the first, second, or even third person isn’t the one. Therapy is a relationship, and like any relationship, it’s built on connection, understanding, and trust. You don’t have to settle for someone just because they’re available. The right therapist for you is someone who makes you feel safe enough to start peeling back the layers and brave enough to keep going when it gets messy.
And when you do find them, you’ll know. It might not be dramatic or life-changing in a single moment, but there will be a sense of rightness, of being heard and seen in a way that feels rare and meaningful. Sometimes, that’s all the confirmation you need to keep showing up.
Oh and another sign. Remember all these things that your parents or your partner used to say to you that would make you so upset, even though they might be right? Somehow, the same messages are much easier to hear from your therapist because you did not feel judged, and for the first time in a long time, you feel ready to confront the things that would turn you defensive.
So, if you’re still searching, take your time. Trust that the right person is out there. And when you find them, you’ll know. Not because someone else tells you they’re great or because they check all the boxes on paper, but because something inside you feels at home. And that feeling? That’s worth everything.